Didasko: The God Who Labors with Men

I think much of our confusion - more, an inability to grasp anything tangible and personal - in regards to God’s sovereignty stems from falsehoods we believe about His character. Particularly, we’ve pitted His attributes into a war against one another, and those omni- traits tend to win out (in our minds) at the expense of what makes Him personal and interactive-- the living God known by Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.

We worship and follow the same God who wrestled with Jacob until daybreak, allowing this mere human to take hold of Him and match His strength so that a tricky maneuver became necessary for victory. That’s not the abstract, excessively perfect god who skeptics mockingly try to conceive (and rightly reject). He’s the Almighty who is also Abba Father, stooping down into the dust to play with oblivious children.

Or, more practically for spiritual living, we should remember that we serve the God of Joshua. Following the victory of Jericho, Joshua acted on impulse to strike the city of Ai, unaware that one of his men stole from the Lord in the former battle. God let them go out without His direction, and because of His wrath over their camp it ended in fear and shame. I don’t believe this was God being passive-aggressive, but rather patiently waiting and respecting our agency as creatures in His image.

As soon as they listen to their God, He tells the Israelites to get up, remove the sin, and engage in battle through His strategy. There’s actually indication that He entrusts Joshua to work out much of the plan’s detail (beyond that there will be an ambush from behind the city), and what I find most beautiful is how He weaves and redeems their failure into this new victory (they pretend to flee, provoking the enemy to leave their city undefended). At the battle’s turning point, God directs Joshua to hold out His javelin, which times perfectly with His ambushing army taking the city… giving God all the due glory, yet inviting humans to work by His side.

I don’t know the philosophical answers for determinism and predestination, and I wonder if we are never supposed to know. I just see a God in the Bible who blends human agency and sovereignty, remaining unchanging yet curiously reacting with emotion to the choices of His people. I think it’s of utmost importance that we deconstruct our ideas of a purely rationalistic, lofty divine mind… and continually rediscover the God who is exceedingly personal as He is powerful, expecting great things to happen for His Name through us as we interact beside Him.

Manthano: Dreaming Dreams

I dreamed that I made an account with Overland Missions, and once I did, I saw huge contributions on it which added up to 7,000 dollars-- more than enough for my AMT and airfare.

Taylor Ewing gave me 5,000 in the dream. Other people contributed in the hundreds and I think one for a thousand. They offered encouraging notes, and I can't quite recall the names of the others (they were unfamiliar to me other than Taylor) but they were were vivid at the time and somehow are known in our church family.

I was at Clovis Christian as I saw my account on my phone, and for some reason many people of my church family were present, and there for me. They now knew about the account existing, and an older woman confirmed she knew the name of a man on the list... but I don't think anyone knew just how much money had already been provided now.

So I want to stand up and tell them, that I think it's all covered and maybe even them some!!! But some people I don't know/can't all see move up to the stage and begin a worship song. I can't recognize the words, but I think they're saying "glory to God", so I join in and sing my whole heart. The worship leaders seem to be Hispanic, people I've never seen before, and the young woman leading them casts out her hand, causing the congregation in a cone in front of her to sway and fall back. I know it's something I'm usually very uncomfortable with, but in that moment as I fell on my knees I had peace and knew I was overwhelmed only by the Holy Spirit.

Then once the worship service ends, I see everyone is already leaving and scattered. I realize I WANT and NEED to tell them how the Lord has provided and the journey I was considering is imminent reality God is leading me into. I find Sean and Brian Duffy, and I'm just starting to tell them, and then I suddenly wake up.

And then I think about it. I remember I asked God to confirm if I should go, even through giving me a dream. I realize I have the same want and need today, not only for that promised financial provision but for how God spiritually brought me out of broken bankruptcy into a relationship of such riches and redemption. I reflect on how Overland Missions can be an opportunity to tell my story, and become connected with more of Christ's Church (maybe even with an expedition in South America), and to become more acclimated to the seemingly uncomfortable work of the Holy Spirit, and just to go forward in faith even if my account isn't literally donated all the way on the first day... since I now know God gave this adventure into my hands, and pursuing it will be an adventure on its own of growing trust and new friendship.

Apologia: My Creationism is Evolving

My view on this divisive subject is adapting. In many ways, I see ambiguity where I once thought the evidence gave certainty. In a different manner, I feel more confident in my creationist stance, as I shift my footing to more selective grounds for my argument. In all of this, I’m learning that specific positions aren’t the critical matter to faith I once believed them to be… yet I’m even more convinced this is a discussion the Church needs to initiate with humility and tact.

Let me start from the beginning: in high school, evolutionary theory played a key part in my skepticism. This isn’t because any mention of natural selection must stand opposed to Christian belief-- that is a false dichotomy, and I knew even then that many people reconciled the two in their worldview (guided, theistic evolution). Rather, what made evolution significant was the broader intellectual challenge behind it; is believing in a Creator necessary if we solved the miracle of complex life, and can Christians respond in a reasonable way?

Manthano: Counting it Chara

For the first time since the breakup, I listened to - and sang my heart out with - my love song playlist. I’ve been far better since my previous manthano post, and I think I’m ready to write the beginning of what I’ve learned and how I’ve grown through this twist of plot and change of chapter.

See, where I left off in my last post was that most crushing note of sorrow-- that I lost the connection I had with Rachel, for knowing and loving her with the same depth. I wanted to somehow reset and go back, no matter how irrational. For the first four or five days, I would wake up re-realizing our relationships end, in the same way that you emerge from sleep on vacation and are surprised to be in a different bed.

God carried me through that most daunting portion of the trial, before even a week had passed... even though I had expected to be paralyzed in mourning for a month at minimum. Actually, sincere grieving was the agent He used to rapidly heal me, and is no less miraculous in light of how I hardened myself against rejection in the past. I am spartan with a tightly closed heart no longer.

Didasko: Awkward Heresy Moment

First, I really respect my history professor, and I’ve enjoyed hearing the critical secular perspective on the story of the early church. That said, when explaining the heresy of Arianism, something unfortunate happened.

“Arianism is the belief that Jesus had a human side. The Church did not like this because they say Jesus is God, so they established the Trinity.”

Oops. That would be the opposite heretical doctrine, Docetism, stating that Jesus’ humanity was an illusion and He was only divine.

My theology nerd senses were tingling, and I felt puzzled by the lack of puzzled faces from my Christian peers in the room. Isn’t this a major foundation orthodox Christian faith? However, I knew I needed to act carefully, lest I seem arrogant or cause discomfort for my teacher.

I waited until my teacher allowed room for questions, and then asked, “Isn’t there a little bit more to Arianism than that? I thought Protestants, Catholics, and Orthodox Christians all agree that Jesus was both fully God and fully man.” Now, she responded in complete agreement, confirming that she already knew this information (though she miscommunicated it unknowingly), and it’s the idea that Jesus was only human and later became God that offended the Church.

Why didn’t she say that in the first place, then? What does this tell us about the effectiveness of doctrine?

Manthano: Good Mourning

Yesterday, Rachel and I agreed to break up after two years of romantic relationship. God is good, and His plan is for my good… and I really do mean that-- He’s prepared me for this trial through community and discipleship, and I’ve received profound compassion and encouragement in the 24 hours since.

Still, even with the best of terms for ending and a hopeful future beyond, the loss of that specific intimacy and promise is in itself terrible. Every part of it will be used, and I’d like to write about those lessons and blessings eventually… but for now I will simply lament. It’s Biblical, and will help me advance towards complete healing.

You do not have continue reading though, and that word of caution goes especially for ewe if you read this.

Manthano: Memoir of Skeptical Me

I wish to share my testimony of faith once again, and this time with certain subtleties in mind entailing my skepticism as well as my idealism.

The purpose is never to deliver an irrefutable argument for coercing the beliefs of others, but to accurately explain my own experience-- clarifying where either criticism or affirmation is due. If you - regardless of your background and convictions - are able to relate with some aspect of my journey and receive it as a challenge (as opposed to a cute story with a religious conversion as the cherry on top), then I have fulfilled my job faithfully.